ISIS has been pretty busy lately…
“ISIS’ explosive expansion” “ISIS’ threats, Americans’ fears growing”
“Islamic State is ‘most potent threat to the world since Third Reich’ says Nobel Prize winner”
That’s funny, I also think Glenn Beck said that…years ago. But he doesn’t have a Nobel Prize.
Can you imagine the damage ISIS could do if they were the Varsity team? Thank goodness they’re only the JV team.
But we really shouldn’t be worried.
John Kerry and his friends have gotten together to come up with a solution: A “core coalition” to stop ISIS.
It is interesting that our Secretary of State made a point to say that the “over” 62 countries and entities that are teaming up with us against terrorism is not “cosmetic.” I wonder why he would say something like that.
I thought it might be useful to check up on those countries and see what exactly they are doing to “degrade and defeat ISIL or DASH or ISIS or whatever.”
Here are the countries that have actually done some stuff:
Iraq: Ok, they’re in the thick of it. It’s their country. That’s not to say they have done enough. If they had done enough, they wouldn’t need us. However, one of their big contributions according to The Washington Post is requesting military airstrikes from the United States.
We also know that Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, and the UAE have participated in airstrikes.
Our next category is “Countries that have done a little bit.”
France: Bombed a warehouse occupied by the Islamic State in Iraq and has vowed to take part in future airstrikes “if needed.” Also, they really don’t think we should be calling ISIS “the Islamic State” even though that is their name. Typical France.
Germany: Has sent 40 paratroopers to Iraq.
Now look, I don’t want to demean even one soldier being sent. These are real lives. But we’re talking about countries the size of Canada and Germany here. They’re sending about as many people as Subway gets during lunch hour.
Denmark: Isn’t bombing anyone, but they did Provide a transport aircraft. So they’re sort of like the Orbitz of this battle.
Italy: Italy has no plans to take part in airstrikes but has offered to aid in the refueling of planes instead. They’re kind of like the Sunoco of this battle.
The next category of the coalition is “Countries that have sent some stuff”
United Kingdom: Gifted $1.6 million of weapons and ammunition. Plus, Prime Minister David Cameron has not ruled out contributing to U.S.-led airstrikes in the future.
Thank you for not ruling out your future helping, that is so thoughtful.
Turkey: More than 100 trucks of humanitarian aid has been sent to Turkmen in Northern Iraq. So they’re probably sending 101 trucks.
Slovakia: And look, I don’t think Slovakia is loaded, they’re not the rich guys on the block. But we’re counting Slovakia as part of this coalition and they have donated $25,000 in aid or roughly the price of a brand new Kia Optima.
Qatar: Sent 300 tons of humanitarian aid to Iraq. And they also passed a new law to stop charities diverting money towards the Islamic State. Which apparently was happening.
Norway: Norway is part of the coalition is part of the coalition because they contributed some blankets and kitchen sets. This is a great donation because it works for a war or if you’re playing house.
Our next category is…“Countries that have said some stuff”
They haven’t done anything, but they have said things and that makes them part of the coalition.
Georgia: The defense minister said officials “fully support what the United States is doing to eradicate these barbarians.” I’d rather have that than “I fully support what these barbarians are doing.”
Kosovo: The Prime Minister posted on Facebook that they are part of the “emerging global alliance to fight a great evil.” It’s a Facebook post, but a strongly worded Facebook post. I “like” it.
Finland: Will “concentrate on delivering humanitarian aid to people in desperate need.” Sounds a little more like a charity and less like an army.
Taiwan: Said it would “cooperate closely with the international community to provide humanitarian aid and will “monitor the threat to global security” and will If Taiwan is monitoring, we should be all set.
And these are the countries that have an “unspecified commitment” but are nonetheless counted as part of the coalition AKA “Countries that haven’t done anything”
Andorra, which doesn’t have an army, and relies on France for protection.
Bosnia is shaped like a heart. Very intimidating.
Lithuania is the only country in the world with an official scent. If it’s not pork scent—I’m not sure it’s going to scare ISIS.
Macedonia is reminiscent of sets from the Lord of the Rings so maybe it can bore terrorists to death.
Malta is a 122 square mile island.
Mexico can send their chupacabras to defeat ISIS, so they actually have something there.
Moldova is the poorest country in Europe.
Serbia is the largest exporter of raspberries—maybe fruit ISIS to death.
Slovenia has one of the largest brown bear populations in Europe. To their credit, bears are pretty scary.
Tunisia is doomed to fall to ISIS, so they can’t help us.
Ukraine is pretty much Russia now, so they have their own problems.
Morocco is one of the largest producers of hashish and cannabis—so they might not be the most focused on ISIS.
Portugal produces half of the world’s cork—I bet they can make some badass cork guns.
And there you have it.
Obama’s core coalition.
Hm. I’m not an expert on combating terrorism, but I don’t think you assemble a team to degrade and destroy ISIS with players that haven’t even expressed any interest in playing and really have nothing to offer.
It’s kind of embarrassing, actually. What’s most amazing about all of this is the lack of interest from the media.
When the Bush’s “Coalition of the Willing” invaded Iraq, every news broadcast mocked the rag tag group of countries and comedians thought it was just hilarious.
Where are you Will Ferrell, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Dave Chappelle?
At least back in the Iraq days, they used to say it was just the United States and the UK.This time, the UK has just “not ruled out to contributing airstrikes in the future.”
Perhaps this time, they truly are enthralled by and supportive of the war coalition put together by this Nobel Peace Prize Winning president.
So to review:
-MORE THAN 82% OF THE COALITION IS SENDING 0 TROOPS AND FLYING 0 MISSIONS.
-14 COUNTRIES ARE IN THE COALITION BECAUSE THEY’VE SAID SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE COALITION.
-13 COUNTRIES ARE IN THE COALITION FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON WHATSOEVER.
-WE’RE GLAD TO HAVE ALL THEIR SUPPORT, BUT I DOUBT THE ISLAMIC STATE IS GOING TO BE STOPPED BY A FACEBOOK POST. EVEN IF IT’S STRONGLY WORDED.
So, you heard we’re fighting ISIS, with a giant mega-coalition. We’re sure not going-it-alone, I tellya. What is our coalition made up of? Where is the media asking these questions anyway? Watch in horror.
Posted by Stu Burguiere on Tuesday, March 31, 2015